honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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