I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
