I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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