Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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