You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
