What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
