capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
