The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His nipple licking is glorious
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