After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
