no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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