I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
