I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
