Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
