dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
