Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
