We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
