Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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