I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
