connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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