Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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