I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
