i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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