I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
