Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
