Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
