I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
