so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
