I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
