she looked like the before picture.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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