i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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