took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize