I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
