I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
