brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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