I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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