I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
