If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
