Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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