eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
