Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
