you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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