I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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