is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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