People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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