Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
