I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
