Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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