he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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