Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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