That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
