WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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