I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
