Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
