I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
