Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
