did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
