sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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