You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize