Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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