She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
