well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize