Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shame - the story of my life.
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