Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
