Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
