i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
